The Life and Times of Me
Life Revelation

Last night at work, a security guard was dicking around and he said ‘Ain’t I a asshole’. I was thinking, it’s ‘Ain’t I a stinker’. Then all of a sudden, the light turned on in my head. It was like the clouds opened up and the knowledge of the universe shined down upon me. Stinker…. poop… taking a dump…. asshole… stinker = asshole. It all makes sense now. I’m 34 years old and after all this time I just now realized that bugs bunny was saying ‘Ain’t I a asshole’. Mind blown. Mind f***ing blown.

This is how they are teaching our kids to do subtraction. Instead of the simple method that’s worked for hundreds of years, our kids are subjected to this mess. Every step is another chance to mess up. It’s so ridiculous, the school is hosting a class for the parents. To teach them how to do this.

This is how they are teaching our kids to do subtraction. Instead of the simple method that’s worked for hundreds of years, our kids are subjected to this mess. Every step is another chance to mess up. It’s so ridiculous, the school is hosting a class for the parents. To teach them how to do this.

when i look at this, i see that they’ve been together for 50+ years

when i look at this, i see that they’ve been together for 50+ years

collegehumor:

hypnoticwave:

diet racism.

"if you laugh, you get it. if you’re offended, you’re part of the problem."

Amen

When you date a gamer girl, you don’t buy her flowers. You buy her new releases. To really say ‘I love you’ pre-order it and get the exclusive in-game content

When you date a gamer girl, you don’t buy her flowers. You buy her new releases. To really say ‘I love you’ pre-order it and get the exclusive in-game content

lolfactory:

How to explain my day: I OD’ed on my kid’s cold medicine and sleep the day away. Also I’m addicted to cold medicine now. Also I killed a couple of hobos. Also I didn’t brush my teeth. But my nose is as dry as the hobo blood on my carpet.

To be loved………

To be loved………

Has anyone ever answered the question of why cops in butt-fucking nowhere MO had military grade tactical gear in the first place

One month update

So I can’t believe it’s been a month since I moved into my new place. Everyone is settling in. The air conditioning controversy has settled down as it hasn’t been too hot out as of late. Though I suspect round two is just around the corner when its time to turn on the heat. There’s been a lot of milestones and firsts in this past month as well. For example; This past month saw me cut the grass for the first time in my adult life. That may not be a big deal to you all, but seeing how I haven’t even touched a grass cutting apparatus this century (Prob since before some of you were born. young punks) I feel that’s an accomplishment worth noting. On the negative side, I’ve spent a lot more money than I would have liked too. I have no one to blame but myself. Some of the stuff we needed; like furniture and a weed trimmer. Others not so much. Like the solar powered walkway lights, one of those collapsible water hoses and a swiffer (couldn’t used our broom).

Things are going well with my girl and I. So far there hasn’t been many unforeseen issues. Again, I’ve been married before, so this isn’t my first trip down the rabbit hole. For the most part things are good. Even though we don’t have a lot of time together (she works first shift and I work second) I think we’ve grown closer. Of course sex has increased 84.33%. But even the non-intercourse things makes me happy. There’s nothing like coming home, getting into bed, pressing my naked body against hers and rubbing on her butt till I fall asleep. I’m even (slowly) getting use to someone else using my stuff again (arrrr… must… contain…. rage… stuff… getting… touched….) Our bond as a family is also stronger. This past labor day we all (us and the kids) went to the movies together for the first time. The matinee of course. I’m still me. Which brings us to the small, unfortunate, issue we’ve been having. My girl is inviting friends and family over to show off the new place, and she keeps getting mad at me for not wanting to participate. I’m like really lady, really. Have you even been paying attention for these last O idk, two years. When have I ever given her the impression that I ever was social, ever wanted to be social or ever will be social. I don’t go out. I don’t like to talk to people. I don’t like to be around a lot of people. Heck, I even took a job with the sole goal of limiting my interactions with other people. I quietly count and sort hundreds of thousands of dollars a day and i love it. I barely talk to her, much less to other people. I don’t mind her having people over, but don’t expect my interactions to go beyond “hi”, and “I’m doing good”.  

Love this. Hit play.

Love this. Hit play.

mortuary-mary:

legalize wheat and wheat by products.


FU Atkins and gluten free. 120 for life

mortuary-mary:

legalize wheat and wheat by products.

FU Atkins and gluten free. 120 for life

I wish someone could answer the question; why are you doing this? in the mean time; clam the fuck down

cardsbyharris:

How about you?
Cards By Harris Adult Cartoons